New RD jokes

Thought you might enjoy the latest Readers Digest jokes:

A parable
As a stockbroker gets out of his BMW, a car slams into the door, shearing it off. When the police arrive, the stockbroker is apoplectic.
"See what that idiot did to my beautiful Bimmer?" he shouts."Do you know what that car cost?" he shouted.

"Sir" said the officer , you are so worried about your car that you haven't even noticed that your left arm was ripped off."

The stockbroker takes a look at where his arm once was and screams, "Where's my Rolex?"



A farmer pulls a prank on Easter Sunday. After the egg hunt, he sneaks into the chicken coop and replaces every white egg with a brightly colored one.

Minutes later, the rooster walks in. He spots the colored eggs, then storms out and beats up the peacock.


Nobody ever calls you up to tell you something good you did when you were drunk. Nobody's ever said, " Jim you got ripped last night and painted the orphanage."


Larry wins the lottery and dashes downtown to claim his prize. Give me my $20 million," he tells the man in charge.

"Sorry, but it doesn't work that way" the man says. "You'll get a million today, and then the rest will be spread over the next 10 years."

Larry is furious. "Look, I want my money! And if you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back."

Funny but those are pretty old, was it an old Reader's Digest?
I didn't see them online.
Reader's Digest Funnys

From Reader's Digest Main Page

I love this one!!


Nobody ever calls you up to tell you something good you did when you were drunk. Nobody's ever said, " Jim you got ripped last night and painted the orphanage."

They were from a brand new RD. Maybe a re-run. New to me.